An Angsty Tragedy::: The Life of Harry Potter
by only in amsterdam
Summary: It's 6th year annnnnd Harry Potter's life sucks. Or at least Harry thinks it does. He's so caught up in pitying himself, he's considering suicide. So are some of his friends who are stuck hanging around with him, as all he does is complain.
1. A Long and Hard Night

**Disclaimer: **As everyone probably knows, I don't own Harry Potter. Wait, yes I do, its downstairs on my book shelf with pasta sauce splattered on almost every single one of those pages. I'm such a horrible person.**_  
_****Scene:**The 6th Year at Hogwarts.  
_  
_An Angsty Tragedy: The Life of Harry Potter_  
  
I live such a traumatic life_, Harry Potter thought to himself as he lay in his bed, pondering why his life was so sucky. He looked up at the four poster above him and felt a tear slowly creeping down his cheek. The tear was hot and it stung him. _The tear is stinging me! Ow! OW! _Harry thought. His sheets were warm, but he hated the warmth. He wanted cold, cold was all anyone ever seemed to give him and he was used to it.  
  
_No one loves me. They all make fun of me behind my back. I know it! I'm gay and I can't tell anyone. I should just die. My life isn't worth it. _Harry though some more. Thinking really hurt him inside. That reminded him of the horrible pushups he was forced to do in fourth grade. He grabbed his arm and felt his muscle. It was flimsy and felt like he were dipping his finger into pudding. _Pudding is warm. I hate pudding._ Harry sighed sadly and wiped another tear off of his cheek.   
  
_My parents are dead. Sirius is dead.The Dursleys hate me. Why must I continue living? I have no love. And the one I love, he does not love me. _Harry continued moaning in his head. An overwhelming pain consumed him. _An overwhelming pain is consuming me!_ Harry screamed silently.  
  
_I suppose I'll go to sleep now_, Harry thought, holding his heart. However, he spent many a minute continuing to be overly-dramatic. The poor thing!  
  
------------  
Ronald Weasley looked over at Harry with a look of disgust on his face. He had woken up from the sound of Harry softly whimpering. Now, Harry had his hand on his heart and was staring up at the ceiling, as if he was trying to look like a deep and intense model. Ron shook his head. Why was Harry so egotystical and annoying? Harry was always pitying himself and randomly saying I wish Sirius was here. What Ron wished was that Harry would die and burn in hell. How could Ron have ever liked Harry if he had known that Harry would turn into such a self-pitying jerk? And an annoying one at that.  
  
Ron looked at his watch and saw that it was 4 in the morning. _I wish that fucking moron would stop whimpering so I could actually sleep. This is the fourth time this has happenned and the term has only been going for four days._


	2. The Deranged Cat Should Be Respected

Note: This is supposed to be a comedy or atleast sort of funny, even if you don't laugh. I'm not actually serious about any of the characters when I'm writing this.   
  
So, on with the story!  
  
The next day, the 6th year Gryffindor boys dormitory was in an uproar; everyone was awoken by Crookshanks the Deranged Cat. Even though he was supposed to be in the girls dormitory with his owner, Crookshanks prefered to watch the men change. Crookshanks pounced from person to person, digging his sharp claws into the poor Gryffindor boys. Ron was awoken particularly awfully as Crookshanks had unexpectedly (or expectedly, one will never know what that cat is thinking) landed on his genitalia, digging his claws inward. He screamed in pain, and his screaming had awoken Harry, who was still sleeping like a fragile moth, that is, if moths sleep.  
  
Ah! NO! Why did you wake me up? I was dreaming... no, I wasn't! I don't remember what I was dreaming. I don't remember anything anymore... Harry said sleepily but very dramatically, his eyes filling up with tears.  
  
Er, sorry. Ron said, feeling extremely annoyed and wondering how Harry could possibly possess any testosterone.   
  
I suppose its ok. Harry said, and then he sighed and attempted to look pitiful Oh, Ron, if only Sirius was here...  
  
Ron said nothing, but gave Harry a forced smile and proceded into the lavoratory to pee and change, only to be followed by Crookshanks. Just as Ron was taking his pajamas off, he noticed the crazy cat was with him in the bathroom.  
Uh, get out... Ron said uncertainly, not wanting the cat clawing at his private parts again. for this time Ron would be unprotected and fully exposed for the cat to dig its claws into him.  
  
Ron kicked the cat and it went flying into a wall, but it simply looked at Ron again with its squashed face. Now desperate, Ron grabbed a towel from the cloth rack by the sink and lowered it to Crookshanks as bate. The cats he had previously known would always get their claws stuck on the towel, thinking it was a toy. However, Crookshanks gave Ron an insane look as if he were about to murder poor Ron.   
  
Ron kicked the cat again, but this time the cat was prepared; Crookshanks sprung off of the wall and lunged for Ron's private parts yet again, digging his claws right in.   
NOOO! AGHHH! Ron screamed and yanked the cat off, Harry??!?! Seamus?!!?!? HELP ME!  
Harry came in holding his robes, waiting to get into the lavoratory to change. What is your- oh, its Crookshanks. I remember when Crookshanks and Sirius were great friends. If only Sirius were here.  
Yes, yes, I know, but the cat has become a bloody murderer and has dug my nuts two times. Two times, Harry. Its bloody awful. Harry, get the cat out of here! Ron groaned  
It has? Oh. Harry said, not finding it remotely amusing, or showing any signs of sympathy. Sirius would be able to get Crookshanks out.  
I know, Harry. But can you? Be like Sirius, Harry. Be like your father, and stop the cat from bloody grabbing my nuts again.  
Fine. Come, Crookshanks. Harry said, his eyes welling up with tears. And with that, Crookshanks came to Harry and Harry picked the cat up and they both left the room.  
Ron shook his head and flipped Harry and the cat off once his door was closed. He noticed his middle finger. It had hair growing out of it.   
  
----  
  
Harry had had quite an annoying morning. Ron had awoken him and then screamed at him to get the cat out of the bathroom while he was trying to remember his dream. Harry thought he might just feed himself to the giant squid.   
  
----  
  
On the way to breakfast, Hermione Granger, the owner of Crookshanks, came down and met Ron and Harry, who were waiting for her in the Gryffindor common room.   
Ron, why are you holding your crotch? Hermione asked, looking at Ron.   
Your fucking cat castrated me twice. Ron mumbled angrily.  
Ron, don't be silly, you can only be castrated once! Hermione exclaimed, trying to bring the conversation off of her cat. She knew that it would get Harry going on Sirius.  
Sirius liked Crookshanks, Ron. Harry said, looking at Ron as if he were the devil.  
Lets get breakfast, shall we? Hermione said nervously, giving Ron a disgusted look.


End file.
